Real Talk: Inclusive Leadership Is An Every Day Challenge!

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Becoming an inclusive leader is not an easy task. Instead, it’s a constant inquiry that challenges your capabilities to be truly inclusive. When I think about my experiences as a parent and as a caregiver, I realize there’s still much work to do to remain faithful to the commitment of inclusive leadership.

PARENTING

I have a six-year-old daughter whose actions remind me that inclusion is not a slamdunk. Instead, it requires constant monitoring, adjustments, and forgiveness. When I was growing up, I was taught that authority ruled. I grew up in a single-parent household. My siblings and I were clear that it wasn’t our place to challenge decisions made in the home. There was an unwritten rule that the adult knew best, and it would be futile to assert our will. We were clear of our role as children, which meant listening and following directions. Now here’s where inclusion gets rattled. Implementing the same lessons from my upbringing causes my daughter not to feel included. How do I know? Because she tells me so.

INCLUSIVE LEADERSHIP LESSON: When someone tells you they don’t feel included, it’s pragmatic to listen and figure out how to course correct.

It seems like it should be an easy fix, but many of us stumble with adjusting. Here’s what I wrestled with:

1. Unlearning deep-seated knowledge that there is only one way of parenting.
2. Dealing with peer pressure from others who practice old-school parenting approaches.

CAREGIVING

My mother is battling dementia. The journey, for me, has been physically and emotionally exhausting, and I find myself reflective of how well I’m showing up as an inclusive leader. Perhaps I shouldn’t be thinking about inclusive leadership, but distraction can be soothing at times. So here is a litany of questions that I ponder around my ability to make my mother feel included during this challenging time:

1. Am I leaning into curiosity when I don’t understand what’s happening?
2. Am I being empathetic enough?
3. Can I get out of my way and grief to practice inclusive behaviors?
4. Am I demonstrating active listening?
5. Am I fully embracing this opportunity as a learning opportunity?

The amount of no’s to the questions mentioned above causes me to feel dissatisfied. Honestly, caregiving is not for the faint of heart, but our loved ones need us.

INCLUSIVE LEADERSHIP LESSON: When confronted with debilitating life challenges, our ability to practice what we know to be true is impacted. One approach is to activate a superpower to solve an unsolvable problem. In my case, I leaned into leadership and project management skills to add value. Here’s my wish and advice for others on this journey:

1. Acknowledge that it may be time to strengthen or re-learn empathy. Take cues from others who are demonstrating empathy. I can think of one of my mother’s doctors who has never wavered in her compassion. Her approach was always to create space for the inclusion of dementia patients. An article from the Alzheimer’s Association shares a study that confirms that dementia patients want to feel included in decision-making.
2. Hit the restart button. If you feel like you’re bumbling and stumbling all over the place, forgive yourself and start again. I call that rising to the challenge.
3. Rebuild your confidence by learning all you can. Make the time to educate yourself to show up as the inclusive leader that you are deep down inside.
4. Forgive oneself and act on point #2.

Overall inclusive leadership lesson: Being an inclusive leader takes practice and patience. Rebirths are common for inclusive leaders, and as such, there must be patience with the process of shedding old attitudes and beliefs. Be kind to yourself on this inclusion journey.